“Do we search for lessons to lessen the pain?”
When I first heard that, I fell in love with it. Because we are always, constantly searching for lessons.
In by far my favorite episode of “SATC”, Carrie Bradshaw is fresh out of a really ridiculous pseudo relationship with Jack Berger. It’s called, “The Post-it-Always-Sticks-Twice” because in order to get out of the relationship, Berger breaks up with Carrie on a post-it note. He simply says, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this. Don’t hate me.” So for the entire episode Carrie is in rage. Her relationship with Berger was short, seemed to be doomed from the start and just really ridiculous. And to top it all off, he broke up with her on a post it. Everything in the episode with all the girls becomes about lessons and meaning. After the girls had an unsuccessful try at attempting to re-create this tragic day for Carrie and forget everything that happened, they wind up at their infamous coffee shop hotspot. And at the end of the episode Carrie says to the girls, “Okay I know what I learned from my relationship with Berger.” They all pause for a moment for her to impart into them her personal wisdom. She stops and says, “Oh wait a minute, I just had it.” Then they all burst out laughing. Lol! I love that!
Sometimes, there isn’t a lesson. Well let me revise that. We don’t have to take on the daunting and sometimes burdensome task of having to find the lesson in everything. Especially things that happen that shake our little worlds up. Sometimes heartbreaking. Sometimes tragic. Sometimes confusing. Sometimes weird or just plain random. Sometimes you just have to find ways to deal and heal and move on and get over and work through it. Carrie asked, “Why do we search for lessons to lessen the pain?” We are “why” people. We naturally want to know “why.” But sometimes, there isn’t a why. Or rather many times, we just won’t know why things happen. Or why people came into your life. Or why they went away. Why you didn’t get that job or got laid off by that one. Why things are happening the way they are. We don’t have to make up a lesson. We can let the lessons come to us. Those moments when things seem to come together. The moments when you can say “hey that’s what I learned.” But we don’t have to force it or make them up. I’m optimistic that God holds all the answers we need. I’m optimistic that from them, we’ll get what we need to get out of them when the time is right. I’m optimistic that I don’t have to be both teacher and student when life hands me something unexpected. It’s okay to chill in not knowing.